I sat down with a CTO for the first time. Their co-founder and CEO was worried and wanted to support the CTO. We had a nice chat. I asked a few questions. We parted ways without any drama. A few days later, the CTO was out. That’s a good thing. They made up their minds to leave, but were afraid to admit it, even to themselves. They needed permission.

That’s not one story. It’s happened several times. Sometimes leaving is the right thing to do. But other times, it’s a cop out.

The Current Situation

Recently, many have been talking about tech executives facing increased burnout, pressure to deliver more with AI, and FOMO if the company doesn’t do enough AI (see Gergely Orosz’s post, for example). All those factors reportedly result in an increase in senior tech leaders leaving their jobs, or operating in some sort of limbo where they are continuously reassessing whether they’re in the right job.

While the AI wave is undoubtedly rocking our boats more than ever, I think that the underlying factors are all old and known. You’ll likely face similar scenarios again and again. Being able to evaluate things more clearly will come in useful, whether you’re torn right now or later in your career.

Magic Wand: Do You Already Want Out?

Let’s start with the easy case, the one in the opening. When I sense that someone is torn, I tend to ask the magic wand question: If you could wave a magic wand right now and tomorrow you’d be out of this role, with no bad consequences, would you?

I rarely get a “yes” immediately. Yet, whenever the answer seems timid, I say that life is too short for trying to stick to a role you don’t want to be in, and for me to try to help you do that. That’s that. No pushing in either direction. Just explaining that I work with people who want the help and agreeing to touch base again.

But posing that question often makes people confront the truth that they’re afraid to voice even to themselves. Thinking about it later, they realize whether they want to be there or not. And if not, even without the magic wand, we do the right thing for them and for the company in the long term.

So, take a few minutes and see what your real internal dialog is about this question. Are you already mentally checked out and would like to leave if you could? If that’s the case, it’s probably best that you accept it. No need to be a martyr. You can say I gave you permission.

That scenario aside, if that’s not you, keep reading. Usually, the thing you think is the problem isn’t, really. AI FOMO or AI pressure is frequently just a symptom of a problem in the seams between you and others.

Fighting FOMO

Now, a very top-of-mind issue for many executives boils down to fearing they’re betting on the wrong horse. Many fear that their startup/company is not embracing AI fast or well enough, meaning that they are missing out on what will become standard practice. They will become outdated. This is the same fear that software engineers have had for decades, watching their friends do C++ when they were still doing C, then Java, then Python, then JS, etc.

In general, it really might be the case that your company is doing badly. But there are two things that you need to consider here. The first is that many are more vocal about their wins than accurate about them. This is the social media effect applied to the AI craze. So, I’d take those celebratory (and AI-aided) posts on LinkedIn with a grain of salt.

Before judging that your company is doomed, I’d have some candid conversations with peers. One-on-one, it’s a lot easier to hear what’s actually happening in other places and better assess where you stand.

Second, you should also keep in mind your own agency and control. If you’re a senior tech leader, isn’t it your job to ensure the company is using leading tech? Things aren’t too late for most startups, and you can make dramatic progress with the right processes and mindset. I’ve seen it work with companies I had written off, and I write off very few.

AI Pressure and Expectations

On the other hand, if you’re considering leaving because the expectations from AI seem too high, I can say that things seem to be getting better on that front as well. As I recently said on the State of Tech Leadership video, many CEOs and boards are coming to grips with what AI actually can help us achieve right now.

While you still need to make good use of it, there are fewer CEOs wondering why their team isn’t 10x faster by now. Again, having a better grasp of what’s happening in similar companies can help create a saner yardstick. That can help you get a sense of your team’s performance and reduce some of the pressure.

Decide to Decide

Those CTOs I sat with ended up doing the right thing for them. Life’s too short to stay where you don’t want to be. Yet, many others, much more actually, ended up staying where they were and continuing the good fight. Realizing your agency here is crucial. Whichever decision you make, accept that it’s your call. Don’t keep drifting or waiting for a sign.